Feeling anxious Just Breathe

What if I told you it was that

simple

Anxiety doesn’t always agree with this simple suggestion

But God sees you

Even in your anxious state he is with you

The Bible says be anxious for nothing

He is your Refuge and your strength

Rest in him

How do we rest in him?

Listen to yourself
Be kind to yourself
…………………
Take a deep breath
Listen to what you are doing
Center all the great things you do
  1. Take 5 minutes in a quiet space. Set the timer. Ask yourself what do I need to do to be my best self. Truly start to hear. Move on to 10/15 minutes.
  2. Speak life. Say 3 things I am proud of everyday.

First Things First

The deep and wide extent of his love for sinners

Creates an awakening that which can not be seen

Burn the midnight oil in pursuit of God

Get on your face and call him by his names… Yahweh.. Abba Father… Jehovah Nissi.. Jehovah Raffa

Sing his songs of praise

When your soul is thirsty for God

Start your day in His presence

You will enjoy how it feels

To be loved by Him

Oh Jesus

Is an open door

I love you, Lord, like never before

Oh Jesus please take us home

We are waiting to see your throne

We are longing for the dead to rise

So we wait for you

Heaven is real and Jesus is coming soon

In the meantime

Change your posture

Bow down in worship unto Him

Wait and see the Lord is good

Saying Yes to God

Another very old journal entry 2015

Today we started a 6 week bible study series utilizing a workbook by Lysa Terkeurst, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God. Experiencing Life in Extraordinary ways.

If I am honest with myself and reflect back to what happened when I said Yes and continue to say Yes to God. I can see the things he has brought me through, how he has molded my life, and what he has gotten rid of. And I thank God for that! As I continue on my walk, new things are revealed and its a gradual process of learning to receive his gentle nudge and act in obedience. We also must not forget to thank him for what he has done and be grateful for answered prayers.

About 2 years ago, I prayed that God would place women in my life that see me, know me, understand and accept me. I prayed that God would lead me to spiritually mature woman that could help me grow. Iron sharpens iron. I need woman who speak life into me, who put fire under my butt, who are honest, loving and authentic.

Its been a process but I can see how God has drawn closer and blessed me with women that are like-minded, have God-glorifying goals and really can encourage one another.

Because of my past experiences, I have always wanted to be accepted, I would go searching for love and significance, I thought highly of being noticed and recognized. Today, I realize the only person that I should be seeking approval from and honoring is God. The one position I should want is to serve and share the gospel.

I have to get right with God and constantly seek his face so I can remind myself, he accepts me, he loves me and wants the best for me. I cannot live up to expectations or perfection but I can be renewed daily to live a better life and to model after his perfect life.

All this to say, he has answered my prayers. Sometimes you pray for something and don’t realize your prayers have already been answered. As a new Christian I prayed to be set free and inadvertently sat in the prison of my thoughts and my past for years before I decided to walk in the truth of who I am in Christ.

Today, I can look around and agree that God has placed lovely God-fearing women in my life. They encourage me, they have a heart after God and they are going to make his name known by their actions in love!

My prayer for the next 6 weeks is that God continue to pour his wisdom into our hearts so we can continue to seek his face. I pray we continue to bless those around us that are waiting for a word from God.

HE is the Great I AM, use our mess as a message. Touch your people and revive them with the truth found in scriptures and relationships wrapped in your love and presence.

Rest

Sometimes bipolar disorder can feel like you are fighting your way through two different worlds.


The real world and the one you miss when you’re “normal”

What is NORMAL

I can only assume that you are going to judge me. But I know I am not sure of the days

Were here, but we are gone, tomorrow.

Wait

See

Test

The spiritual thins of the world.

Focusing on this moment in time. And also 🌙 sleep.

Tomorrow is another day.

And it carries worries of its own

This season God is calling me to rest

Write and play with my girls

No more striving to succeed

Just pause for a little


For years I’ve operated at max intensity, Mania. Change and moving was my obsession.
I’m finally learning to love resting in every sense of the word.


Resting and being content with my life and loved ones. That’s all the magic I need in my life.
#freedom #healthy #minipoemsbyp #guerrera4jesus #imasurvivor #mystorycontinues #depressionawareness

Ending Conflict with Myself

A dear friend gifted me with this writing course for the New Year. It’s called New Year, Better You created by Alex Elle. It’s a 4-week online course, where you get emails each week with videos and writing prompts. You learn how to overcome self-doubt, negative self-talk, work on forgiveness and learn to write affirmations to manifest the desires of your heart.
Little did she or I know what a blessing this course would be. Unbeknownst to some friend(s) I’ve been struggling with depression.
It started a few months after I came home with Demi Grace. The signs for me were increased sleep during the day, no desire to cook, clean or eat. I literally craved my bed. And the more I slept the more depressed I felt. As my eldest daughter transitioned to Pre-K in September my routine with our new baby changed.
I would take Dani Rose to school with a newborn and come home to an empty house. By 9 am, I’d feed the baby and whenever she would sleep I’d go to sleep with her hopefully until 12:30 than I’d start to get ready to pick Dani up at 2:20.
I didn’t think this pattern was unhealthy until I started to feel guilty and ashamed about it. I started to dream about working and wished I had a routine outside of the house. I desired so desperately to go back to work. Stay-at-home mom’s life was just not a good fit for me this time so it seemed. 
You see what people don’t know is. When I go through transitions of any kind I am susceptible to a manic or depressive episode that is outside of my control.
The one thing I am in control of is taking the right medication for what my needs are at the time and to be honest, sometimes even the meds are hit or miss.
When I became pregnant with Demi Grace I voluntarily stopped my meds. I didn’t want to harm the baby. When I was about 6 months pregnant with her I ended up having a manic episode and was admitted to the psychiatric ER. I signed myself in to stay in the hospital for almost 2 weeks to get better and the doctors helped me choose a medication that would have minimal if any side effects on the baby. That’s when the drug Haldol was introduced.
Haldol is a typical antipsychotic drug effectively used in the management of mania, agitation, and hyperactivity in various mental illnesses, including bipolar disorder. While Haldol can be an effective treatment, it also carries the risk of significant side effects which includes unusual tiredness or weakness.
Though it took time. I am now on a new medication feeling relief from the unusual and debilitating drowsiness Haldol used to cause.
My routine has changed. I get up feeling hopeful about the direction of my life.
I have forgiven myself for going through something completely normal for a new mom and a mom of two children.
I thank God for his grace and mercy that I get a chance to have a fresh start. His mercies are new every day.

The Bible says

Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
Lamentations 3:23 NLT
I am on a path that will fulfill my destiny and purpose even though I don’t see it, it’s coming.
I can be an inspiration to many women suffering in silence.
I have forgiven myself for broken relationships because of my bipolar disorder.
I admit I was not a good friend when I had my highs and lows.
I am making room for fellowship and new relationships that bring me closer to God.
I make time each day to read the Bible and encourage myself through the promises of God.
I have reached out to my family connect group and close friends for prayer.
I am using all the tools in my toolbox to heal.
Finally, I picked up this pen and paper to write and share my story so anyone else experiencing this doesn’t feel alone.
There is hope and you can change how you feel about yourself.
Seek God, medication and the help of mental health professionals. And use your resources.
My saving grace has been my mother and my spouse. I spend weekends at Mami’s house as a reprieve. She helps with the children and encourages me through the word of God and her prayers. My husband cooks and cleans more often than he should. He’s gentle and patient with me. Do not underestimate a determined praying mother or spouse. They are both God sent.
This is just part of my story. We are only 3 weeks into January and I’m writing again thank God. I hope to come back here to continue sharing my healing process with you.
If you’ve read up this point be sure to check in on your new mom friends and share this with them. No one should suffer alone. God loves us and wants the best for all of us.
For more information about New Year, Better You course go to AlexElle.com.